the best of...

being a grown-up isn’t always bad…

Thanks to one of my best friends for this one…I’ll definitely clear your computer history when you go!

Adult Truths

1. I think part of a best friend’s job should be to immediately clear your computer history when you die. And your dresser drawer……
2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong. 
3. I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger. 
4. There is great need for a sarcasm font. 
5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet? 
6. Was learning cursive really necessary? 
7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I’m pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood. 
8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died. 
9. I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t at least kind of tired. 
10. Bad decisions make good stories. 
11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren’t going to do anything productive for the rest of the day. 
12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don’t want to have to restart my collection…again. 
13. I’m always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to. 
14. I keep some people’s phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call. 
15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well. 
16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay. 
17. I wish Google Maps had an “Avoid Ghetto” routing option. 
18. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger. 
19. How many times is it appropriate to say “What?” before you just nod and smile because you still didn’t hear or understand a word they said? 
20. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters! 
21. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.. 
22. Sometimes I’ll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is. 
23. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I’d bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time. 
24. People who forward e-mail without deleting the tons of previous recipients should be shot and then tarred and feathered.
25. The first testicular guard, the “Cup,” was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important.     

the dark.

I had to work late tonight, so it was dark - REALLY dark - when I drove home. 

I commute through farm land and woods, so there are no street lights and the houses are spread pretty far apart. Despite the landscape, there’s usually other cars, the moon, or at the very least, the stars, to break up the blackness. But tonight, as soon as I turned off campus, there was nothing. And I mean n.o.t.h.i.n.g. It was extraordinarily dark. And it was a little unsettling. I turned my high beams on and still didn’t feel like I could see more than a foot in front of me. I turned them off and then on again, just to check that they were working. The dark was just pressing in on me and the harder I tried to look out, the less I could see.

Eventually I came upon another car and just as suddenly, there were houses and a gas station and the dark receded back to a normal level. The moon was hidden behind clouds, but I could see where it was again, and the black sky was dotted with small white dots. But for those few moments, the world disappeared around me and I felt very alone.

37 things you should never apologize for, and why

I copied and pasted this from here. I would normally just provide a link, but, to me, this hit home and I wanted to share it, word for word, just in case getting there was too many clicks.

1. Never apologize for acting on your instincts: Listening to your body then taking action on what you hear is the hallmark of heroic people.

2. Never apologize for all the tears you’ve cried: Crying cleanses the soul. Shoot for once a month. Even if it’s just a brief mist at a tender moment in a sad movie.

3. Never apologize for anything in your resume/portfolio: If you feel the need to do so, it probably doesn’t belong in there in the first place.

4. Never apologize for asking for what you need: The answer to every question you DON’T ask is always no.

5. Never apologize for asking questions: When you stop asking questions, you don’t just run out of answers you run out of hope.

6. Never apologize for asserting yourself: The word assert comes from the Latin asserere, which means, to claim, maintain or affirm. And that’s exactly what you’re entitled to: Your opinion. Your belief. Your say. Let nobody take it away from you.

7. Never apologize for being a health nut: Next time someone says, What are you, on a diet or something? look them straight in the eye and say, Yeah you got a problem with that? Then, when they back down, you go right back to eating your tofu.

8. Never apologize for being a newbie: Everyone great chess master was once a beginner.

9. Never apologize for being early for an appointment: In the history of Corporate America, no employee has ever been fired for consistently arriving ten minutes early to every meeting.

10. Never apologize for being funny: The world is too damn serious. We need you. Seriously.

11. Never apologize for being human: Once you do, you’re no longer human you’re a cyborg.

12. Never apologize for being passionate: Unless you’re passionate about stabbing strangers with broken Coke bottles.

13. Never apologize for being smart: That’s the ONE thing the government, the media
 (and every other entity that’s trying to control you) is terrified of: Smart people who take action. Be one of those people.

14. Never apologize for being the age that you are: It’s just a number. A chicken ain’t nothing but a bird, as my Grandpa likes to say.

15. Never apologize for breaking a rule that isn’t really a rule: Be proud of yourself for being a rule breaker. Then go break another one.

16. Never apologize for calling bullshit on someone: Especially when nobody else is the room is going to do it and this person REALLY needs to be taken to task.

17. Never apologize for demanding respect: If you’ve demonstrated that you deserve respect by giving it to others first, you’re good to go.

18. Never apologize for disagreeing: Especially if you do so respectfully. On the other hand, if you’re disagreeing for the sake of disagreeing, or because of your pathological need to be right, that’s a different story.

19. Never apologize for expressing yourself: That’s all “leadership” is: The full, free expression of your truth. Don’t say you’re sorry for that.

20. Never apologize for falling in love: Your heart’s calling the shots.

21. Never apologize for falling OUT of love: Your heart’s still calling the shots even when you throw up an air ball.

22. Never apologize for getting something off your chest: That which you suppress will find a home in your body. And then it will trash the place.

23. Never apologize for giving it your best shot: As my Grandpa also reminded me, “You do the best you can with as many as you can.

24. Never apologize for growing up privileged: As long as you scrap the entitlement attitude, remain grateful for everything you’ve ever been given and respect the life situation of those who are less fortunate, it’s all good.

25. Never apologize for having an overabundance of love in your life: Instead, circulate what you’ve got. Pay it forward. Share it. People need it.

26. Never apologize for lack of experience: Instead, share your Learning Plan; demonstrate your dedication to lifelong learning and practice becoming the world’s expert at learning from your experiences.

27. Never apologize for lack of information: Ignorance is acceptable. Staying ignorant, however, is stupid.

28. Never apologize for liking stupid movies: Movie snobs annoy me. Some of my favorite movies are among the most ridiculous films ever made. So I love Hangover. Sue me

29. Never apologize for living your truth: Few things in the world are more important.

30. Never apologize for looking out for yourself: Self-preservation is a primary driver of human behavior. It’s how we’re wired.

31. Never apologize for loving yourself: If you do, you probably don’t love yourself as much as you thought.

32. Never apologize for making a decision from the heart: Remember: It’s not thee truth it’s YOUR truth.

33. Never apologize for needing alone time: Solitude is soil. Solitude is medicine. And if you don’t get your fix every day, your life will suffer.

34. Never apologize for needing to use the bathroom: Yesterday a woman in my class walked out of the room and actually said to the instructor, I have to pee, I’m SO sorry. Unbelievable.

35. Never apologize for not being there when someone called: You have a life, too. People can’t expect you to wait eagerly by the phone all hours of the day.

36. Never apologize for not embracing someone else’s agenda: Especially if that agenda robs you of your true talent.

37. Never apologize for occasional absentmindedness: Everyone’s brain farts.

Be well & Be good to each other.

naked and famous

I played this song for ZackAttack the other day:

Now I catch him singing it to himself when he’s brushing his teeth and especially when he’s getting dressed in the morning - complete with belly drumming.

Personally I think it’s hilarious! Maybe it makes me a bad parent, but I can’t wait until he tells his teacher he’s gonna be naked and famous.

thought questions

The following questions have no right or wrong answers, and are soley posed to make you think and reflect:

*thanks to Marc and Angel Hack Life for the questions

1. How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are?

2. If you had the opportunity to get a message across to a large group of people, what would the message be?

3. Is it possible to lie without saying a word?

4. If not now, then when?

5. What would you do differently if you knew nobody would judge you?

6. Are you holding onto something that you need to let go of?

7. Have you done anything lately worth remembering?

8. Who do you love and what are you doing about it?

9. When is it time to stop calculating risks and rewards and just do what you know is right?

10. Do you think crying is a sign of weakness or strength?

11. Would you break the law to save a loved one?

12. When you’re old, what will matter to you most?

13. Do you ask enough questions or do you settle for what you know?

14. Do you celebrate the things you do have?’

15. When it’s all said and done, will you have said more than you’ve done?

16. When was the last time you tried something new?

17. Which activities make you lose track of time?

18. If you could do it all over again, would you change anything?

19. What is the difference between living and existing?

20. If you had a friend who spoke to you in the same way that you sometimes speak to yourself, how long would you allow that person to be your friend?

21. If you had to teach something, what would you teach?

22. Time or money?

23. Are you aware that someone has it worse than you do?

24. What makes you smile?

25. What would you regret not fully doing, being or having in your life?

For a list of 25 questions, they’re pretty revealing. Probably wouldn’t hurt to make it a point to answer them annually, just to see.

additions

Today we adopted a dog. We didn’t plan it that way, but things just worked out. I think it’s going to be great!

flashback

Tonight ZackAttack was watching a little TV before bedtime. We were snuggling on the couch and he rolled over to lay on top of me. It hit me just how big he is.

When we brought him home from the hospital (after almost 2 months in the NICU) we had to pad his carseat with rolled up blankets because he was so tiny.

Today, he’s one of the taller ones in his class and when he lays on top of me, his feet reach almost all the way down to mine. When we stand next to each other, I now rest my elbow on his shoulder instead of the top of his head (though both annoy him equally). The only proof I have that he was ever so tiny is the one preemie outfit we kept that we brought him home in.

toe-may-toe, ta-mah-toe

While playing Pictionary:

ZackAttack is the drawer and the 4 adults in the house all have their eyes covered for the revelation of the clue.

The category is “what to eat.”

Zack starts drawing something that looks vaguely like a fork. We guess fork. It’s wrong.

He then begins drawing another unidentifiable shape. It kind of looks like a camel.

Hmm….

me: “Zack, are you drawing a desert?”

ZA: “YES! You got it!”

The clue: “Dessert”

Also, a “Beech Tree” is the same as a palm tree. Because palm trees grow at the “beach.” Obviously!

That’s just how we roll around here.

the after-life

It was decided at dinner that, in place of a grave stone or any form of tomb, Erik would like a rotating statue of himself, peeing, in the middle of a garden, a la this dude:

On the other hand, I requested that all funds earmarked for a funeral should be put toward a very large, rowdy, debaucherous party involving everyone I know. Serisously….ev-er-ry-one.

It’s just more “me” that way.